Never spoil your future with your past

Do you do you ever think about if um if you met your younger self, if if you were to tell them if you tell them what’s going to happen, they asked or um would you not tell them so they know they can find out for themselves you know because if I tell you what’s gonna happen, then you know it’s gonna happen already and you couldn’t experience it genuinely like I did you have a different reaction in it would it be the same person in the beginning that you asked all these questions to if I was told you what’s going to happen because you would already know that I was going to tell you it

Tell somebody what it’s like, but if they can’t actually feel what it’s like they will never know 

Some stuff is left unsaid. It’s better that way.

Like but nobody will know exactly how someone feels even if it is, you’re going to  be yourself 

You might feel one way one second in the moment later not feel that way you explain it

You don’t know like the answers because the questions are always changing. That’s life, it’s a constant destruction, infinite internal struggle with yourself 

Do you go right? When you go there should you went left and you won’t know. These little moments , you know you think you’re gonna be a little moments, but they become big moments and sometimes you have to go left to be right until we meet again

The calm of this

Do you know if the last is the last thing? Does somebody who’s gonna die if somebody is gonna be born just two souls on a differently colored plane of existence. A lot of the stuff I say it doesn’t make a lot of sense

Well back up at the time now. Is it a minute that goes by seconds. I heard a door slam one more fucking time I’m gonna go crazy or am I really crazy already is it voice is outside with the voices in my head constant sound sometimes garbled sometimes it makes sense I don’t know. Fuck I don’t know Thanksgiving weekend two days to Thanksgiving. Why am I even talking about Thanksgiving you might  even read this until after Thanksgiving. Do you ever think about that I mean do you have to think about anything the last thing you talk about? Who who what? Where. Leaving leaving leaving going tomorrow sitting on my food one thought connects to a memory or memory care next to the thought. I don’t think we’re anymore but they let me gather them together so I know I have you ever been with a group of people and still feel alone have you ever thought about that? 

Leave it to me to think about thinkinh I can I think about that. This is stupid peoples gonna read my blog and think I’m crazy stupid.

I really don’t know, but I’m gonna sit here and think about it. I can’t think about it 

These Ramblin thoughts. It’s been a long time in a long time since I got on a lot of them. Some are still left to be finished.

Until we meet again

My last one buddy but they're gone now

 When I met at my friend Nick at first I didn't know what to think about him. As time went I realized that he was the brother that I always wanted that brother that wouldn't hurt me he comforted me when I was sick supported me he's so passionate about wrestling that passion I never seen in anybody in a long time. every Monday night Facebook lit up like a Christmas tree we spend hours discussing the events for that night. We talked about life and how much it hit hard we get back up. Outside of the dark place in my life he is my light he was my light see Nick passed away 3 years ago now everyday I wake up thinking it's a nightmare but it's a reality my best friend's gone my wrestling buddy the guy that wants a month on Saturday nights with be sitting front row ringside at a local wrestling event I used to love and get tickled to death how he lied into those bad guys that passion you can't teach. I don't let a lot of people in my life but some reason somehow Nick found his way into my life until the very end he never left. Yeah yeah you know they'll make a lot of people in Nicholas Hill but there's only going to be one Nicholas Hill I will ever really know . From Terry funk all the way to Paul Lee, Nick had various favorites. it's ironic that he died on Monday night raw right in the middle of it on December 28th of the year 2020

You never know what you really have until you until you don't until you don't have it anymore it's a crying shame I thought me and Nick would grow to be old men but he died he got taken I guess it was this time but do you ever really know when it's your time I don't know I don't want to be my time but when it is my time it will be my time enough about me this is about Nick Nicholas Hill the guy who for 20 years busted his ass at Walmart just to be showing the door. Nick never let his feelings be shown that a lot of people but you know a lot of this might seem like gibberish but it's speech I'm not really sure I could write this but for 3 years a huge part of me has been missing you never know who's going to be your best friend you just when you know you know I guess I didn't really know I don't really know what I had but every day I get up I walk across that room look at that picture of the two of us saying in the wall I remember that day it was his birthday. It's just a memory now a good memory a real good memory a damn good memory a real f****** big memory when I get to heaven and I have to look at my memories that's probably going to be one of my memories that I look at. It was an honor and a privilege my privilege to know my friend my brother. I miss you big guy see you

Me,myself and I...can't we all get along

Disclaimer:I am not a professional writer so if you want to write a smart remark about my grammer you can bite my spell check.


You ever find yourself talking to yourself about something you don't really need to be talking about but you do it anyway and you really should be having this conversation with somebody else but you don't have the balls to.I do it all the time.

We scream at eachother,we laugh and we cry.Its all apart of growing up.

You wish you were older so you could do something without limitations and when you get to be that age you are left with regret.


For years I used to wish  I would be able to grow up and do things without being yelled at for it but your always going to be your mother's child no matter how old you get...somebody will always tell you what your doing wrong for you so you just give up and let them undermine you.


Jeff Jarrett had the balls to create his own company and yeah there has been growing pains but it has became a sucess and now its been around for well over a decade.


In 1984 Vince McMahon decided to take his company global and he knew if he failed it would black ball him but he had the balls to do it and he probably isn't regretting it as much as he was when he first started.

Michael Jackson decided to do new music and created pop music which turned to r and B and which turned into rap which turned into gangsta rap...


Hulk Hogan was being booed by the fans and he decided to reinvent himself knowing he would further his career and give it a new it  LIFE span..virtually he had a new career.



He made WWE  a household name..he brought WCW into new homes and he is helping TNA.Good job Hulk Hogan.I know alot of people shit on you but not this fan...I am a Hulkamaniac and I took my vitamins and said my prayers...not so much with the training but anyway....


My name is Hixenbaugh hear me Roar


thanks for reading my blog

JH

Life it hits us all below the belt

Disclaimer:I am not a professional writer so if you want to write a smart remark about my grammer you can bite my spell check.


You ever come across a person who you know is too good to be true and they constantly rub in your face how better their life is than yours and than it turns out they were just pulling your chain all along to make a grab at you.That how professional wrestling and fake people coorespond

A person tells a story and gets you wrapped up in their tale and you begin to undermine your own life just to make them feel better just get crapped on by them at a later date.

People you have so much common in with that you find out you don't really have much in common with them at all.

The common man who dined on pork and beans and with kings and queens

the guy who made you want to say your prayers and take your vitamins

the girl in school who you wanted to attract but never did and later your glad you didn't but at the time you used to kick yourself because you didn't have the fortitude to.

The popular crowd you wanted to impress with your schenangians.You prosituted yourself to a sports team just to impress a girl but she liked the book worm guy who used to hang out in the library and played chess.

The guys you used to spend the night with playing video games who you turned your back on.In all the fakeness you became fake yourself.We have all been there.Sold out true nature just to fit in with society.

Than real life bites you in the ass

you get a girl pregnant in the backseat of a car.Your still in highschool trying to get an education and already turned your back on your friends and can't look yourself in the mirror without grimacing.

Went to a party and tried a drug and got addicted to it and it turned your life upside down.You start stealing to support your habit.

You wore your sports team shirt proudly and got beat up for it

You proudly embraced your trueself and came out of the closet and got chasitised but were glad your demons were exercised.


You held a gun to your head attempting to take your own life out of cowardice but at the last second god intervened and told you to live on.


We all have our share of problems so don't feel any different if you do.Its better to talk to somebody about it than keep it all bottled inside yourself.

 I am Hixenbaugh hear me roar

JH

A fictional account of pro wrestling

A guy walks into a locker room on his first day .For years he busted his ass in the indys and finally he got the attention of a national wrestling promotion .His style isn't like others were used to and alot of the talent shit on him from day one and labeled him as a guy not easy to work with or he was too hard in the ring. He went from Mexico to Japan to the far ends of the world just to get here and he was just doing what he learned from a famous trainer. The promoter had nothing to lose..he was getting his butt handed to him in the weekly ratings so he put the guy on tv and slowly he started to get over and the fans were starting to print out signs backing him.The same top guys who were taking dumps on him and using him as toilet tissue started to want to work with the guy cause he was getting popular and slowly but surely the guy was getting booked in top of the line stories and getting tshirts with his likeness printed on them and he was also featured in magazine articles in wrestling magazines and on video games.

He started to live the life style and it was becoming addictive and he was believing all the hype.He couldn't believe he came so far so quick and was on top.


He started falling in with the wrong crowd and turning his back on  the people who were always believers of him and created a twitter account and started BSing and got a couple roles in feature films. Met a fast woman to go along with his even faster life style and found himself hating himself.
Hating what he did.Hating who he become.He turned to the only person who ever stood by his side through it all and that was Jesus christ and he got his life together.He Gotdown on his hands and knees and prayed one night that an answer would come to him. God gave him a sign.He soon started to go to church on a regular basis and stopped his bad habits.Got back in the gym and got back in shape and went back to where he had came from.Selling out arenas in other countries and gaining the notice of the fans again.He was a man reborn.He went back to the big company and soon found himself in the the main event of thei premiere event and once again he tasted victory and was the world champion.He fell off the mountain a time or too but he had now climbed back up with no fear.

I am Hixenbaugh hear me roar

JH

Living for tommorrow while dying right now

Disclaimer:I am not a professional writer so if you want to write a smart remark about my grammer you can bite my spell check.


Every breath I take every minute I spend I know it all could be over at a moments notice.I see people killing people and I see our President trying to instill  his values on me and all the propaganda .It takes me back to Heels vs faces from the modern era of wrestling...my era.Ric Flair and the Horsemen running wild up and down the coast while Hulk Hogan was branching out across  the world getting us to train and take our vitamins and say our prayers .I was taking my Flintstone vitamins ,running my mother and babysitters crazy with my taless and in the front yard almost daily me and my brothers were having wars of our own just like the Naitch and Hulkster did on our tvs each week.

When I was a kid I didn't think about sickness or people dying.I was a kid and all I cared about was baseball cards and wrestling magazines and comic books and Nintendo games and getting a sugar high whenever I could. Thats all I had to worry about.While my parents were downstairs going at eachothers throats about how they were going to pay that months bill  me and my brothers were upstairs in our own little world or outside discovering ourselves.

When I started to get sick  and reality started to breath a new meaning into me I still had my imagination and I still had my girlfriend pro wrestling and sometimes I would cheat on her with the new york mets and more recently the Alabama crimson tide but me and my lady pro wrestling always have had a strong love.


When Alabama was winning World championships and Ric Flair was wooing his way into our hearts I was trying to get by life by living in fantasy land .Whenever I have a problem I just shut it out and think what the Hulkster would do.I am 33  years old now ,not a kid anymore but my brain isn't like normal adults.I have a child complex.I have the mind of a little kid with adult sized problems.
Never learned to drive a car,never cared to learn to drive a car. Never had the desire to .God gave me feet to walk so I walk everywhere or catch a ride.Its what I always did and have always done.


When a doctor gives you some bad news and you don't really know how to understand it or cope with it cause you have been trapped in your childlike mind for all eterenity its kinda jaw dropping its like when Hulk Hogan told his fans to stick it.I never saw Hulk Hogan the same way after that but like all people..well some people I believe in forgiveness and when Hulk Hogan decided to ride with Hulkamania again I took him back like the faithful follower but it wasn't the same.

With all the wrestlers switching sides all the time its become a normal thing but back than when a face turned heel or a heel turned face it was a huge deal.. but now not so much.

So when my doctor went heel on me and put me in peril like a true baby face I was down for the count but I am making my come back .I am hulking up and I will come out on top.


I am Hixenbaugh hear me Roar

JH